my two uncles were getting married and everyone was crying and my mom looked at me and whispered “this is so gay”
say something i’m giving up on you
Driving to the movies with my fam and this fucking banana with a tin foil hat and wig is sitting under the freeway
i saw somebody tweet this about how to hide your phone in class anD ITS REALLY PISSING BECAUSE THE CALCULATOR IS CLEARLY RIGHT THERE LIKE HIDE THAT SHIT OR SOMETHING PUT IT IN YOUR BOOKBAG SIT ON IT STICK IT UP YOUR ASS DONT JUST LEAVE IT THERE UNDER THE DAMN CALCULATOR BACKING IF YOU ARE GONNA USE YOUR PHONE IN CLASS BE AT LEAST A LITTLE SMART ABOUT IT DAMN
Those are the eyes of a man whose snow balls are actually just chunks of ice.
this oatmeal has god damn dinosaur eggs in it and then when you cook it THE DINOSAURS FUCKIN HATCH IM SO PUMPED